como decimos las cosas

What We Say; How We Say It...Does It Matter?

Happy New Year!  Let's resolve to make this a banner year for all of us, shall we?
Ok, I'm getting right to it:  does language matter?  And what exactly do I mean by "language" and how it matters to us and our guests?
Let me start by sharing one of my favorite statistics with you:

• WHAT WE SAY:                              7%
• HOW WE SAY IT:                           38%
• HOW WE LOOK:                             55%

          WHAT WE DO:                   100%
Everyone is always shocked when they find out that what we say matters so little.  Rather, how we say it matters more and, even more shocking, how we look matters more than that!
By the time we get to that 55% number, the "what we do" point is made and completely accepted.
So my point is - our communication techniques are probably more important than whether or not we place the entree plate on the left or the right.
Usually, I use this chart before a "Calm the Crabby Customer" session.  That was the original point of the chart's design.  But when you think about it, it's relevant for all aspects of communication, good or bad.
We take so much for granted in our daily communication with our families, co-workers, clients and even strangers in passing.  My favorite example and most irritating pet peeve is the throw-away phrase "How are you?"  If you just look at that question, it looks innocent enough, right?  You might think someone actually wants to know how you are.  And they might!
However, think about how many times a day you hear that question in passing.  We expect it and we respond the way we're supposed to.  We always say, "Fine, thanks."  And we carry on.  We don't even acknowledge this interaction.
The same thing happens in our interactions with our guests.  I'll cut right to the chase on this because I could go on for PAGES about all my gripes on our use of the English language.  Wherever I go I hear servers complain that guests don't tell them that something is wrong with their food until it's too late.  Let's assume that the server is following the steps of service and, after two minutes/two bites, she stops by the table to do a quality check.  What do most of us say to our guests?
"How is everything?" OR "Is everything ok?"
You might as well be saying, "How are you?"  Our guests know their lines in this little act as well as we do.  They know they're supposed to say "Fine, thanks."  OR "Yes, thanks."  The sub-text is, "We are doing our part by not rocking the boat and slowing down the evening for you."
We don't want them to have a problem, of course.  But we should want to know if there is a problem so we can fix it, yes?  Anyone who has been in the business for any amount of time at all can tell you that many times you can make a bad situation even better than if nothing bad had happened at all.  I'm not suggesting that we go out looking for problems - not quite.
I am suggesting that we change our language to invite guests to be more honest about their experience.  How do we do that?  We have to change the script.  When we change what we say, they will have to change what they say.  Instead of asking the usual (and boring) "Is everything ok?", ask a question that makes your diners stop and think about what you just said.  You might be pleasantly surprised to hear a different answer.  Aside from the fact that you might be suggesting that the food you serve is just "ok" with your question, you're also not asking a valid question.
A better question might be, "Are you enjoying your dinner this evening?"  Your homework is to come up with other questions that evoke more honest answers from your guests.  There is another benefit to this technique.  You might still hear "yes" and "great," etc.  But you have also put it into your guests' brain that you actually care.